If you couldn't tell from that intro, Harrison's weight has been practically melting off of him while I've stayed about 3 stomach flus from my goal weight. These are some of my favorite Harrison quotes re: health and exercise, to illustrate what I'm living with here:
On why he doesn't exercise regularly:
"I have big ankles that make it impossible to tie shoes which makes it a lot harder for me to exercise" -Wow I can't believe they let you play Division I football with those ankles! What hero! sidenote: I tried and failed to secretly snap a picture of said "big ankles" to prove to the world that this statement is 100% ludacris.
More on why regular exercise is not ideal:
"Exercise gives me gas" -Let's take a little journey back to Cause & Effect 101...
After his first time lifting since college:
"Aw man my t*tties hurt so bad, I get why people want to come home after a hard day and take their bra off" -Oh do you?
As I'm putting ground flax seed into my breakfast smoothie:
"Sick you're literally sprinkling dirt into your breakfast. Where'd you get that, the backyard?" -Yeah it's from the back yard. I dug it up when you weren't looking. Right where the dogs poop.
"Is this a f*cking joke? He calls that a warm up? Everyone else calls that a FULL WORKOUT" -Harrison to Millionaire Hoy when Mil said "alright now that we're warmed up let's get on to..."
As I'm pouring coffee and Harrison walks in from the his first ever morning gym visit (sidenote: nothing doesn't piss me off before coffee):
"I'm so swole right now from lifting. Touch me. No for real just touch my biceps they're crazy right now." -smiles, nods, sips coffee, smiles, nods again, walks the f away.
One of the two times we attempted exercising together (we don't because of things like below):
Me: "We're almost done there are only 2 exercises left in this HIIT! We got it!"
Harrison (yelling): "Seriously shut up this is the dumbest sh*t you've ever talked me into doing and I don't even know why we're here because this is so so dumb and even football players don't workout this hard I really hate this . . ." -He apologized during our stretch. Besides giving him gas, exercise also seems to give him sudden unfounded rage attacks.
So just FYI, in the first 3 weeks of hard core paleo, the man whose shoes can't tie and who only exercised twice because it gives him gas lost 12 lbs and I lost 6. Is THAT a joke??
PS I understand the science behind this but it still makes me mad.
PSS I love Harrison and had his permission to publish these.