Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Wednesday Workout: It Pisses Me Off that boys lose weight faster than girls


Let me preface this by saying 2 things: 1) There is some cussing in this post and I apologize in advance but I believe it is necessary to understand the extent of this situation; 2) I understand there is science behind males losing weight quicker than females, and I also understand that when someone has more weight to lose they usually lose weight faster, and I ALSO understand that when one person has led a healthy lifestyle full of clean eating and regular exercise for years and the other person has lived off of bacon and McDonald's and no exercise and then suddenly switches to paleo and starts exercising (*cough twice*) they will lose weight faster than the person who has been healthy all along; 3) I don't care. I'm competitive. If I work harder I want to win.

If you couldn't tell from that intro, Harrison's weight has been practically melting off of him while I've stayed about 3 stomach flus from my goal weight. These are some of my favorite Harrison quotes re: health and exercise, to illustrate what I'm living with here:

On why he doesn't exercise regularly:
"I have big ankles that make it impossible to tie shoes which makes it a lot harder for me to exercise" -Wow I can't believe they let you play Division I football with those ankles! What hero! sidenote:  I tried and failed to secretly snap a picture of said "big ankles" to prove to the world that this statement is 100% ludacris. 

More on why regular exercise is not ideal:
"Exercise gives me gas" -Let's take a little journey back to Cause & Effect 101...

After his first time lifting since college:
"Aw man my t*tties hurt so bad, I get why people want to come home after a hard day and take their bra off" -Oh do you? 

As I'm putting ground flax seed into my breakfast smoothie:
"Sick you're literally sprinkling dirt into your breakfast. Where'd you get that, the backyard?" -Yeah it's from the back yard. I dug it up when you weren't looking. Right where the dogs poop.

"Is this a f*cking joke? He calls that a warm up? Everyone else calls that a FULL WORKOUT" -Harrison to Millionaire Hoy when Mil said "alright now that we're warmed up let's get on to..."

As I'm pouring coffee and Harrison walks in from the his first ever morning gym visit (sidenotenothing doesn't piss me off before coffee):
"I'm so swole right now from lifting. Touch me. No for real just touch my biceps they're crazy right now." -smiles, nods, sips coffee, smiles, nods again, walks the f away.

One of the two times we attempted exercising together (we don't because of things like below):
Me: "We're almost done there are only 2 exercises left in this HIIT! We got it!"
Harrison (yelling): "Seriously shut up this is the dumbest sh*t you've ever talked me into doing and I don't even know why we're here because this is so so dumb and even football players don't workout this hard I really hate this . . ." -He apologized during our stretch. Besides giving him gas, exercise also seems to give him sudden unfounded rage attacks.

So just FYI, in the first 3 weeks of hard core paleo, the man whose shoes can't tie and who only exercised twice because it gives him gas lost 12 lbs and I lost 6. Is THAT a joke??

PS I understand the science behind this but it still makes me mad.

PSS I love Harrison and had his permission to publish these.


  1. I literally just died laughing through all of this lol!!! It's so unfair how guys can just lift and boom, weight lost or bulked up. Hunter has some verrryyy similar excuses to why he won't work out....

  2. Ughhhhhh I totally understand your frustration. Chris can stop drinking regular soda and cut back on the beers and loose 20 lbs in like a month with no fucking exercise. Meanwhile, I am up at 4:35 am every damn morning cussing at Jillian and I gain 2 lbs. AHHHHHHHHHH

  3. OMG I'm dying with his statements - the gas one and seeds really take the cake! LOL! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

  4. Girl, you are cracking me up! I totally feel your pain on this one. I workout 6 days a week eat extremely healthy and still struggle with my weight while the hubs over here literally stuffs his face with cookies every night and has a snickers as an afternoon snack (peanuts are healthy right?) and complains because he can't gain weight. I know some of it's genetics, but if you want to get together and have an electronic scream fest over the issue I am always down! Hahahah On a positive note, 6 pounds is awesome! You get it girl!

    1. hahaha I'm laughing so hard at "peanuts are healthy"!!

      Thanks (:

  5. Omg... I love this!!! I love the part about digging up the flax seed in the backyard... lmao. I feel your pain girl... I used to cirse the male weight watcher members back in the day.

  6. I'm with you. My husband can melt the fat away just by thinking about it!

  7. hahaha this is hilarious. i feel your pain girl, seriously. its so stupid.

  8. UGH, that's the worstttttttttttttttttt! I hate it because my husband loses fat and gets cut soooo fast. So frustrating!

  9. OMG this is hilarious! The ankles! Die! It is so not fair at all. It takes forever to lose weight and they fart and lose weight.

  10. hahah this is hilarious! I once convinced my husband to do the Jillian Michaels workouts with lasted about two days and then we realized we can't work out together either! It did not got well haha

  11. Ugh dont even let me start. I have to lose some extra lbs and the guys around me are losing weight by literally giving up bread and walking down the street. UGH.

  12. I am laughing soooo hard! I don't know anyone who gets gas *from* working out! Yes, I hate how much more men can eat and how much faster they can lose it. But I am still laughing at "how swole I am" in the morning pre-coffee.

  13. Oh man, your blog post title pretty much summarizes my every thought whenever I plan on going to the gym, haha! -

  14. Oh man, your blog post title pretty much summarizes my every thought whenever I plan on going to the gym, haha! -

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