I've seen a lot of gift guides floating around the internets, and while there seems to be a gift guide for every type of boyfriend/husband/dad out there I haven't found the Gift Guide for Your Grumpy, Sober, Pregnant Friend/Partner/Sibling/Person You Are Obligated to Get a Gift For". In preparation for black Friday and holiday chaos I'm sharing the products I actually use regularly that have made this pregnancy doable, as well as recs y'all shared. I received feedback after posting this on IG that this should actually just be a gift guide for people who appreciate comfort, it's not exclusive to pregnancy. So if you are preg or prioritize comfort do send this list along to people buying you gifts for black Friday shopping. 

Listing the original prices but black Friday should give us some heavy discounts.

My Recs

Lululemon Align High Rise 28" Leggings ($98): These are pricey but they are MAGICAL which makes them a great gift. I'm in my regular pre-pregnancy Lululemon size (8) at 33 weeks pregnant, and everyone has said these are also great post-partum. A lot of y'all also recommended the Align Joggers. 

Origins Leg Lifts Lotion ($30): A friend gave me this lotion and I wish I had discovered it earlier. I've put my legs through some crazy sh*t (like running a marathon) but they have never ached/been as tired as they are in pregnancy.

Bombas Socks ($16+): I cannot express enough how sweaty pregnancy is and how uncomfortable my feet are. Nice socks that feel like sweaters hugging your feet help. 

I also recommend the grippy socks as hormones loosen pregnant people's joints which makes us clumsier. Lawd knows I was already falling all over myself. 

Supportive Fuzzy Slippers ($12-$24): On the topic of aching feet, I found these on a list of podiatrist recommended slippers and then read in the reviews that TIBAL recommended these at some point so we KNOW these are good. **Make sure to get the hard bottoms NOT the fuzzy bottom sandals - they are different!

Mermaid Noire Candle ($16): During first trimester every smell, including the smell of my home, made me feel sick to my stomach - EXCEPT this candle. I burned it 24/7. Now that I'm out of the throes of first tri I'm burning the Brown Sugar Milk Tea candle.

Meundies Hooded Robe ($72): Y'all know how I am about robes. Harrison got me this for Christmas a few years ago and it has carried me through 3rd trimester. It has a hood and pockets which I thought are mandatory features I have never used but I hear from the moms will come in extremely handy during nighttime feedings.

Baggage Claim Eye Masks ($25): These under eye gels feel glorious after a night of insomnia. Sidenote: I thought I was adjusting well to the insomnia but recently saw a picture of myself and realized I am in fact not coping as well as I thought. But these eye gels feel good and that counts for something. 

Cooling Pajamas ($45+): NIGHT SWEATS ARE VERY VERY REAL and I swear by these pajamas - sweat wicking, cooling, comfortable. Note: I got a few DMs about pajamas and I feel the need to clarify that these are NOT sexy pajamas - they are purely functional.

Kindle Paperwhite ($89) : The adjustable backlight means you can read poolside while everyone else is taking shots, or in bed when you are up with insomnia and don't want to turn on a light and wake up your partner from their precious, amazing, easy to come by sleep. 

Savage Fenty Jumpsuit ($90): Pockets, hood, extremely soft and warm. This was a Christmas gift last year and the medium is carrying me through the end of third trimester. The zipper front means it should work for breastfeeding, pumping, and anything else one needs to whip out a boob for. You can sign up for a membership, purchase the items, and then cancel the membership to get discounts.

Love Scrub Mesh Body Exfoliator ($18): I am one of the white people who washes every part of my body regularly. This is like a loofah except it stretches out to be FEET long so you can wrap it around yourself to scrub and exfoliate hard to reach spots and spots get harder to reach and bending over becomes impossible.

Nike Free Run 5.0 Shoes ($100): Harrison got these for me after I complained about my feet hurting. Super supportive, foamy soft, and they slip on which is mandatory as bending over to tie shoes is no longer an option. I had to go a size up in these.

Slides ($28): I've always been opposed to adults wearing slides because they feel like I'm going to high school soccer practice but these slip on and off so easily and are v. supportive. Third trimester has turned me into a person who leaves the house in socks and slides. They're that good.


Recs from y'all: 

Shipt membership ($99) 

Frida Mom Recovery Kit ($39)

Frida Mom Hospital Bag Essentials ($99)

Bidet ($50) *IYKYK*

Compression Socks ($20)

Gift cards for maternity clothes and essentials:

Gift Guides: Gifts for the Pregnant People in Your Life

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

via

As the days get shorter and colder and seasonal depression sets in, a friendly reminder for us to seek help when we need it and to set the boundaries we need to take care of ourselves. Sending everyone love this week.

TW - suicide. The Veterans Are Not OK (WaPo): 17 military members die by suicide daily. The challenges vets face in trying to get help.

Ending the Motherhood Penalty (TLNT): This defines the motherhood penalty in the workplace and gives specific examples of how to create a better workplace for mothers.

Door Dash Driver Reveals the Impact of Not Tipping (Daily Dot): The tipping feels so extra on top of the 10000 other fees on the delivery apps, but this article gets into how your food gets picked up and delivered, and how the tip plays into when you get your food.

No One Cares! (The Atlantic): The overvalue we place on others' opinions of us, and how to escape the trap of caring too much. 

The Sexfluencers (Vox): Now that sex work has gone mainstream with OnlyFans and other social media, where do sex workers stand?

Big oil is making violence against Native women worse (The Lily): The link between resource extraction and violence against Indigenous women is so widely documented that Canada is exploring a recommendation that before a resource development project is approved, it must be assessed for the risks it poses to Indigenous women and LGBTQ individuals. Should the US follow the same?

The Personality Profile of Psychologically Healthy People (Psychology Today): The traits that make greater well-being and how we can use this information to impact our own well-being (even if we don't possess all these traits directly).

The Psychology Behind Meeting Overload (HBR): What leads us to attend more meetings than we should, and strategies to overcome.


2021.11.14 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, November 14, 2021

Via @goodvibeswithwords



The Teachers Are Not Ok (Education Week): The list of things teachers are expected to adapt to and plan around has grown exponentially over the last few years (standardized tests, online learning, policies governing what can and can't be taught, new technology, etc), yet we haven't improved their resources or pay. This article explores why the teachers aren't ok and the structural changes needed to fix it. Spoiler alert: it's not yoga and self care.

Five Practices to Make Your Hybrid Workplace Inclusive (HBR): Practical advice we can all apply to our every day work as we adjust to this new normal.

The Quiet Crisis of Parents on Tenure Track (The Chronicle of Higher Education): An interesting look at the policies that shape academia, and what it means for women's advancement in the higher ed world.

The Real Reason Black Mothers Are Being Pushed to Breastfeed (The Cut): This was not at all what I thought it was going to be. 

The Link Between Happiness and a Sense of Humor (The Atlantic): The actual science behind humor, and how we can use these lessons to increase our happiness.

Young, Pregnant, and Unvaccinated (WaPo): Pregnant women are at a higher risk for COVID and experience devastating effects when they get it, yet only 33% of us are vaccinated. The lack of data that led to us getting here. (note: The CDC and ACOG now endorse vaccination for all who are pregnant; the WHO recommends it when the benefits “outweigh the potential risks.”)

Couch Guy and the Nightmare of Going Viral (Vox): What drew us all into the Couch Guy saga and how it got so big.



2021.10.17 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, October 17, 2021

 

Via @garcelle


Rediscover Joy at Work (HBR): The last year and a half have been hard, and many of us have lost the joy we once got from work. This article explains what has driven the change and how we can rediscover that joy.

Gabrielle Union discusses her surrogacy journey (Time): TW - miscarriage and fertility challenges. Gabby so beautifully articulates the duality of emotions in her experience. Will be buying her book asap.

Is Instagram for Kids ok?  (NPR): Lawmakers are taking action against Facebook as they push their new "Instagram for Kids" app. 

710 Indigenous people (mostly women) have gone missing in Wyoming (Insider): Gabby Petito's case is unfortunately not so rare in Wyoming (where she disappeared), except that she's a white woman.

Single moms are forced to disclose sexual history or lose welfare (ProPublica): This article taught me a lot about how TANF ( Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) works, where the money goes, and the risks women face in disclosing required information to receive assistance.

Why Biden is turning his back on Haitian immigrants (Vox): The US has a long and troubled history with Haitian immigration - a piece of America's anti-Black story. Related and important and helpful: how the news covers the Haiti immigration crisis.

LulaRich reveals a gap in the US Economy (The Atlantic): I had the same thoughts watching Amazon Prime's LulaRich. Related: what got left out of LulaRich - a firsthand account.

What the fitness industry can learn from the Black Peloton community growth (Outside Business Journal): Black communities are usually left out of the cycling world - how Peloton has built a Black community and what businesses can learn from it.

2021.09.26 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, September 26, 2021

via


Sunday Reading List is back after a summer hiatus! Here's what I'm reading:

The impact of 9/11 defense contracting on D.C. neighborhoods (DCist): Spoiler alert - it hit Black communities the hardest.

Black professors push a major state university to confront racism (WaPo): What Black faculty face at state universities and what we need to do to change. 

Related: my friend's PhD dissertation defense "When They See Us: A Multiple Case Study to Understand Recruitment and Retention of Black Faculty at Predominantly White Institutions"

Why you should pet your dog before you leave the house (Upworthy): If the science says!

Inside the Miss Navajo Nation pageant (Glamour): Love this version of a pageant and learning about the Navajo culture.

What is the best decade of our lives? (YouGovAmerica): Dives into a poll asking Americans what they believe the best years of their lives are (real into my 30s right now).

The pandemic has unleashed a war on women (The Guardian): We have focused a lot on women's unemployment as a result of the pandemic, but the reality for women around the world is much darker.

The Great Resignation doesn't have to detract from your company's DEI efforts (HBR): Six practical ways to keep DEI centered as we navigate mass resignations.


2021.09.12 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, September 12, 2021


I get a lot of questions about podcasts on race so wanted to share this list of some that are in my regular rotation that have taught me something - whether it's lessons on history, culture society, or generally how race affects our day to day. I put on podcasts when I'm walking the dogs, cooking, cleaning, in transit- I love a good podcast. 

*Friendly reminder that white allies need to continue our learning journey even though it's no longer a trending hashtag.*

Code Switch: Each week the hosts discuss a race topic that impacts society. I love how they bring in different viewpoints and do an amazing job breaking down complex topics. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Who's Black Enough for Reparations? 

Still Processing: This New York Times culture podcast dives into all things culture. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Lil Nas X Isn't Sorry or 'Before I Let Go'

Throughline: This podcast explores the history behind major news headlines. Not always about race but often is. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: The Land of the Free or The Invention of Race

Natal: This docuseries style podcast investigates the high mortality rate among Black mothers through stories of parents, frontline workers, researchers, and advocates. Listen in order.
Gateway episode: One - Myeshia's Story

Floodlines: This 10 episode series tells the story of Hurricane Katrina, one of the most misunderstood events of our time, that *surprise* disproportionately impacted poor Black folks. Listen in order.
Gateway episode: Antediluvian 

Come Through with Rebecca Carroll: Author and podcaster Rebecca Carroll takes us through 15 essential cultural conversations via interviews with authors, artists, politicians, activists, and critics. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Gabrielle Union is Raising Black Daughters and Learning as She Goes (I cried 3 times in this episode)

United States of Anxiety: A look at how society's choices today tie to our history. Lots of interesting topics to get into with this one. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Why Cops Don't Change

Reveal: This Peabody award winning podcast takes deep dives into current events. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Monumental Lies

Truer Crime: This true crime podcast tells true crime stories but also digs into the surrounding context of society, the laws, the history, and how our beliefs shape our perceptions of the cases. 
Gateway episode: Relisha Rudd (this is the most compassionate and informational take on the case I have ever heard)

On Our Watch: After a new transparency law unsealed tons of police internal affairs files, NPR and KQED used these to take a deep look into police accountability and discipline. Not specifically about race but important in understanding policing in America (which disproportionately impacts Black and brown communities). Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Perceived Threat

Scene on Radio's "Seeing White" series: This series within the podcast looks into the history of whiteness, how white supremacy came to be, and the roles of sexism and patriarchy in our race structure. Listen in order.
Gateway episode: Seeing White Part 1

Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls: These 15-20 minute episodes are designed for kids but let's face it, when it comes to women in history we probably need to start at their level since many of these women were conveniently left out of our history classes. Inspiring women tell the stories of inspiring women in history. Listen in any order.
Gateway episode: Madam CJ Walker's Story read by Poorna Jagannathan


Podcasts on Race in America

Monday, July 19, 2021




As we passed Loving Day commemorating the Loving family's Supreme Court victory that nullified anti-miscegenation laws in the US, I wanted to get a deeper understanding of the history behind interracial marriage laws. Like every other US race-related historical event I have taken a deep dive into, this one seriously disappointed in terms of how much I didn't know and just how deeply f*cked up this all is. I think the easiest way to break this down is via a timeline which I outlined below. Buckle in. 


First let's talk about America's general attitude around interracial marriage and how we got to Loving.

1614: The first interracial marriage in the US takes place between John Rolfe and Pocahontas. Leaders encourage intermarrying between Native Americans and the English colonizers in an attempt to "become one", and go as far as to offer tax breaks and cash incentives to white/Native American unions. They are met with some resistance from European colonizers.

1619: The introduction of enslaved people from Africa causes colonizers to double down on views against interracial marriage due to:

  • The colonizers' strongly held belief that Africans are inferior to English
  • Fear that Native Americans and Black slaves would intermarry and create a force against whites.
1661: Virginia leads the way, enacting a law that prohibits interracial marriages, ministers from marrying interracial couples, and imposes severe fines and indentured servitude for any woman and child if a white woman has a mixed race child.
  • Yes this is extremely hypocritical considering that we know many enslaved women birthed mixed children as a result of rapes carried out by white slave owners. It's hard to find data on this since enslaved people were not allowed to read/write, but I did find a stat that said between 1850 - 1860 the "mulatto" slave population increased 67%, while the Black slave population increased by 20%.
  • Rules like this one spurred the "one drop rule" which is a post for another day.
1865 - on: The end of slavery, the Great Migration, and an influx of immigrants heightens racist discourse, orgs like the KKK come into power, Jim Crow starts, hate prevails. We also know from the #30DayEducationChallenge that this was an incredibly violent time where white people did everything possible to hold Black people back.

1883: Pace v. Alabama. U.S. Supreme Court rules that an Alabama anti-miscegenation law is constitutional because it punished Black people and white people equally. 

1888: Supreme Court rules that states have the authority to regulate marriage.

1924: Virginia tightens up their rules around interracial marriage passing the Act to Preserve Racial Integrity that prohibits whites from marrying anyone with "a single drop of Negro blood" and defining white as "someone with only caucasian blood". At this time, 38 other states have laws prohibiting interracial marriage.

1948: Perez v. Sharp. California Supreme Court rules that CA anti-miscegenation laws violate the 14th Amendment. This is the first time since Reconstruction that a state court declared such laws unconstitutional, and makes CA the first state since Ohio in 1887 to overturn its anti-miscegenation law. This leads to the repeal or overturn of similar laws in 14 states by 1967.

1950s: By this point 24 states still have miscenegation laws in place. Most states have extended legislation to prohibit unions between whites and Mongolians, Malayans, Mulattos, and Native Americans.

1954: Brown v. Board of Education integrates schools. 

1965: McLaughlin vs. Florida. The Supreme Court rules invalid Florida's criminal statute that requires more severe penalties for cohabitation and adultery by interracial couples than same race couples. Justice Potter Stewart states:
"It is simply not possible for a state law to be valid under our Constitution which makes the criminality of an act depend upon the race of the actor".


Loving vs. the Commonwealth of Virginia

1958: Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter, childhood sweethearts in Virginia, discover Mildred is pregnant. Mildred is Black and Native Indian, Perry is white, and interracial marriage is illegal in Virginia so the two travel to Washington, D.C. to get married. 

Five weeks later, police officers raid the Lovings' VA home at 2 a.m. in an attempt to find them in bed together (aka to find proof of them violating the law). They inform the Lovings that their marriage certificate is not valid in VA and take the Lovings to jail. Perry is released after a day, a pregnant Mildred is held for a few days. They are charged with unlawful cohabitation and given the option to spend a year in jail or leave Virginia and not return for 25 years. Judge Leon Bazile states:
"Almighty God created the races, white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."

*using religion to justify upholding white supremacy - sounds familiar!*

The Lovings move to D.C. 

1963: The Lovings travel home to VA to visit family and are arrested for traveling together. Mildred writes to the U.S. Attorney General, Robert F. Kennedy, asking for help. He refers her to the ACLU who agrees to take the Lovings' case. ACLU lawyers  Bernard Cohen and Philip Hirschkop file a motion asking Judge Bazile to vacate the Lovings' sentences, he refuses. 

Cohen and Hirschkop take the case to the Virginia Supreme Court of Appeals, which also upholds the original ruling.

1967: Following another appeal, the case makes its way to the U.S. Supreme Court. The sides look like this:

  • VA's Assistant Attorney General Robert McIlwaine III defends the constitutionality of VA's anit-miscegenation law comparing it to regulations against incest and polygamy. 
  • Cohen and Hirschkop argue VA's statute is illegal under the 14th Amendment which guarantees all citizens due process and equal protection under the law
On June 12, 1967 the Supreme Court announces their ruling. In a unanimous decision the justices find VA's interracial marriage law violates the 14th Amendment to the constitution. This overturns the Lovings' criminal conviction and renders all the remaining anti-miscegenation laws in the country null and void. Chief Justice Earl Warren wrote the Court’s decision: 
“Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry or not marry a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed upon by the State.” 


Where are we now on this? 

1994: Rumors that white and Black students planned to attend prom together leads Alabama principal to threaten cancelling the prom. After parent protests, a class boycott, and KKK involvement the principal allowed prom to continue and was promoted to a central office role.

1996: A Georgia Baptist church elects to disenter the body of a mixed race infant who was buried in the church's all-white cemetery and refused to marry the baby's parents - a white woman and a Black man.

1998: South Carolina becomes the second to last state to lift ban on interracial marriage, with 36% of South Carolinians voting to uphold the ban. Note - since Loving v. Commonwealth of Virginia this law was not punishable.

2000: Alabama is the last state to overturn ban on interracial marriage with 40% of Alabamians voting to uphold the law.

2004: Alabama voters reject a measure to overturn a constitutional amendment to erase segregation-era wording requiring separate schools for "white and colored children" and to eliminate references to the poll taxes once imposed to disenfranchise blacks.

2014: Students at a Rochelle, GA high school organize the town's first integrated prom.

2019: Mississippi wedding venue refuses to serve interracial couples on the basis of religious beliefs which is protected under state law.

2021: Seven states still required couples to declare their racial background when applying for a marriage license, without which they cannot marry. The states are Connecticut, Delaware, Kentucky, Louisiana, Minnesota (since 1977),[36] New Hampshire, and Alabama.

Sources

Loving v. VA History

Loving vs. the Commonwealth of Virginia - what happened, where are we now?

Monday, June 14, 2021


Making your workplace safe for grief (HBR): More important now than ever. 

These three cities began boldly reimagining police after George Floyd's murder (Vox): A look at three different models to change policing in cities.

How your name affects your personality (BBC): I was surprised to see the studies here! No pressure picking kids' names 😅

We should be paying attention to what is happening in red states right now (The Atlantic): Your weekly reminder of how important local elections are.

What Florida's Critical Race Theory ban tells us about anti-racism (Slate): Why enact a law when CRT isn't being taught in a single school in the state.


2021.6.13 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, June 13, 2021

via 

Sunday Reading List has been on a bit of a hiatus as I've been adjusting to the world reopening and relearning what weekends can look like outside of the house! Hope everyone has a safe and joy-filled week.

How Lil Nas X Is Reclaiming Queerness to Proclaim His Own Blessedness (Harper's Bazaar): Reverend Jacqui Lewis discusses the power in Lil Nas X's art, the more subtle imagery in his video, and a call to action for the church in supporting our LGBTQIA+ congregations.

Microaggressions at the office can make remote work even more appealing (Washington Post): While microaggressions in the workplace didn't disappear with remote work, they got a lot better. There is a lot to unpack here, mandatory reading. 

Post-pandemic fashion trends (Axios): I read these trends thinking oh it's not just me! (anyone else going on 12+ months since putting on zipper pants?)

Unable to resist the urge to wave at the end of Zoom calls? You're not alone (NBC News): The psychology behind the irresistable Zoom wave and what makes it so darn awkward (👋🏼)

A Year After George Floyd's Death, Brand DEI Commitments Are Due (AdWeek): Leaders, what actions have you taken? How are you still supporting your employees of color? 

The State of Ohio vs. a sex trafficked teenager (Washington Post): The system treats sex-trafficked Black teenagers as child prostitutes. This is one teen's story.

NFL pledges to halt ‘race-norming,’ review Black claims (AP): The NFL's use of 'race norming' assumed Black players started with lower cognitive abilities than their non-Black counterparts, which prevented many Black players from receiving compensation for brain injury. This practice is ending- in 2021. There is so much work to be done.

Virtual brands and ghost kitchens (The Verge): Expedited by the pandemic, virtual brands have taken over. You sure those wings from UberEats are from a local brand or is it the Chuck E. Cheese brand that exploded in COVID?  

2021.6.6 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, June 6, 2021

Reuters


Many of us (myself included) first learned about the Tulsa Race Massacre within the last few years, and as we approach the 100th anniversary it's important to make sure we, and our kids, understand this important part of American history.

What was the Tulsa Race Massacre? 

Black Wall Street 

After WWI as racial tensions soared, Tulsa experienced an economic boom due to oil profits. The city's 10,000 Black citizens lived in the Greenwood neighborhood on land purchased by wealthy Black landowner O.W. Gurley in the late 1800s. Gurley intended for the community to be 'For Black People, By Black People'. Greenwood developed a thriving business district often referred to as Black Wall Street that consisted of all Black owned businesses - movie theaters, luxury hotels, luxury shops, grocery stores, libraries, doctors' and lawyers' offices, salons, barbershops, a school system, post office, and hospital. It was said that in Greenwood every dollar changed hands 19 times before leaving the neighborhood. Greenwood also had its own newspaper that educated its citizens on their rights, legislation updates, and court rulings.

The Massacre

On May 30, 1921 a Black teenager named Dick Rowland entered an office building elevator with a white woman elevator operator. The elevator operator screamed, the police arrived at the scene and arrested Rowland. Rumors of what happened in the elevator spread across Tulsa, and the [white newspaper] Tulsa Tribune falsely reported that Rowland had been arrested for sexual assault in the elevator.

A mob of white vigilantes gathered at the courthouse to demand the police hand over Rowland and attempted to break into the National Guard Armory. A group of 75 armed Black men, many WWI veterans, showed up to protect the teenager and were met by the mob of 1,000 armed white men. The mob included civilians armed/deputized by local authorities and members of the State National Guard (is this starting to sound like another recent event to anyone else?). The white mobs marched to Greenwood and over the next 48 hours destroyed 35 blocks of the neighborhood. The white mobs burned buildings, looted homes and businesses, murdered residents, and planes dropped kerosene bombs into the town. 

The Aftermath

35 blocks of Greenwood were completely burned to the ground - businesses, churches, schools, homes, hospitals. 300 Black residents were dead and 10,000 were left homeless. Bodies were reportedly thrown into the Arkansas River and into mass graves, and hundreds (some reports say thousands) of survivors were rounded up at gunpoint and forced to stay in work camps for weeks until they were vouched for by white citizens. The city prosecuted Black survivors for inciting the massacre.

Insurance claims for homes and businesses burned down were rejected and no one was held accountable for the massacre.

Why Didn't I Hear About This Until Recently?

Authorities went to great lengths to cover up the worst race massacre in US history. Public ceremonies and memorials for the lives lost were forbidden, the Tulsa Tribune removed articles about the massacre from its bound volumes, and the police and state militia archives removed all information about the event. Oklahoma schools did not start teaching about the massacre until 2002, and even 83% of Oklahomans say they never learned about the Tulsa Race Massacre. 

However a recent bill signed into law by Oklahoma's governor that bans "lessons that include the concept that "one race or sex is inherently superior to another race or sex," that a person's "moral character is inherently determined by his or her race or sex," or that someone should feel discomfort, guilt or distress on account of their race or sex" are reportedly changing the way, or IF, the Tulsa Race Massacre is covered in OK schools as teachers fear lawsuits for leading conversations on the topic.

Why It's Important to Understand the Tulsa Race Massacre

This is an incredibly important part of our history and is just one event that shows how throughout US history when, against all odds, Black people found success it was violently taken from them. It is crucial in understanding how our economic and social structures are where they are today. We also know history repeats itself, and this story has some eerily familiar elements. 

How to Talk to Kids About the Tulsa Race Massacre

As a former educator I understand the difficult line we walk in educating kids about America's violent history. It's important for kids to grow up understanding these concepts to inform their world view, but many teachers are faced with obstacles when trying to teach these events in the classroom. It is imperative that parents/aunts/uncles/churches/communities take an active responsibility in educating our kids. Below are some resources to guide conversations:

Resources to Continue Our Education on the Tulsa Race Massacre

📺 PBS documentary Going Back to T-Town 
📖Learn more historic events not taught in school that kept Black people down in White Rage by Carol Anderson.

The Tulsa Race Massacre: why it's important to understand and how to teach it

Monday, May 31, 2021

via

I want to acknowledge what is happening between Israel and Palestine right now, and while I spent time this weekend learning about the conflict (a topic I have embarrassingly little knowledge on) I don't feel like I have a good enough grasp to share an article or facilitate discussions around the topic. It is an incredibly nuanced situation and I recommend listening to multiple voices and reading multiple sources before jumping to a conclusion on either side. 

With that, here's what I'm reading this week:

Stop telling women they have impostor syndrome (HBR): It's not always impostor syndrome when the system is designed to keep certain people out, and putting the onus on women to fix it is not it. 

11 moments from Asian-American history you should know (Time): This article is a semester worth of history, I learned so much. I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't realize how specifically targeted Asians were in recent history - please read the whole article!

What is up with Colombia's violent protests and how did we get here? (ABC News): 42 people are dead and hundreds more injured - years of inequity led to this. 

There is no comparison between the Colonial Pipeline hack and Election Fraud (USA Today): tbh I was just trying to understand how a pipeline got hacked when I stumbled upon this article which explains HOW and then goes into a conspiracy theory that is floating around social media tying this to election fraud.

New friendships formed in the pandemic are here to stay (The Lily): Got a little emotional reading this thinking about the friendships I have that were strengthened during the pandemic - interesting to see why this happened.

The reason behind the misinformation epidemic in mom groups (Mother Jones): Our government has truly sh*t the bed in supporting parents, and this is a result. 


2021.05.16 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, May 16, 2021



Pull up a seat at the firepit for a conversation with my friend Amalia aka The Breakup Therapist on Instagram. Amalia is a therapist licensed in Detroit and Pennsylvania who specializes in breakups. In this chat she uses therapists' training on cultural competency to explain the dangers of how we approach culture when we won't name whiteness, and when we approach whiteness as neutral and everything else as "other". 

Around 9:30 we talk about one solution: cultural humility. I love the idea of approaching situations with curiosity and an understanding that we don't know everything, and being honest with ourselves about what we don't know. Remembering that we don't have to know everything is crucial in moving forward.

At 14:00 we get into how to approach finding a therapist with some great resources. I know the process of finding a therapist can be so overwhelming it blocks us from getting the help we need. 

Here are the resources and directories discussed in the video:

  • Amalia's website : https://www.amitydetroitcounseling.com/
  • Amalia's IG https://www.instagram.com/breakup.therapist.detroit/

Directories:

  • Mental Health Match: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/
  • Therapy Den: https://www.therapyden.com/
  • Directory centered around BIPOC and LGBTQIA2S+ community: https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/


[firepit chats] culture, competency, and humility

Saturday, May 15, 2021


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Apparently it's May? May 2021?? Anyway wanted to share this reminder above about duality of emotions, something I have struggled with as the world is reopening and my calendar is getting packed and I'm feeling guilt over how much I enjoyed certain parts of the last year in lockdown. When I pictured the world reopening I didn't foresee a certain part of me missing the wide open, unscheduled weekends and the quality time with my husband and friends. While still being ecstatic to see the vaccine rolling out, hope, diminishing fears, the economy making a comeback, kids returning to childcare, planning trips, all of it. And then it was my birthday weekend so I missed Sunday Reading List. 

Here's what I'm reading this week:

‘More Than Just Tragic’: Ma’Khia Bryant and the Burden of Black Girlhood (New York Times): Experts illustrate the dangers of adultification bias, and what it means to be a Black girl in the US.

The History of the Work Wife (The Cut): I have never seen such a perfect descriptor of the work wife as the first paragraph of this article. It brought tears to my eyes but also digs into an important question - why do we have to have work wives to survive?

The problem with "mom boss" culture (Vox): MLMs, capitalism, all of it. I saw this posted on Abra Belk's #BreakThings Instagram feature - she is a great follow!

The Chauvin trial's jury wasn't like other juries (The Atlantic): An interesting read on the selection process for the Chauvin jury. 

How one company worked to root out bias from performance reviews (HBR): It's not quite as obvious as I thought, and easy to replicate.

Manipulative Campus Ministries (Teen Vogue): Former members of this manipulative churches tell their stories.






2021.0502 Sunday Reading List

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

It's been quite a couple of weeks. Here are the things I'm liking right now: 

🎧Listening: Frontline Dispatch's "Policing the Police in Minnesota" episode is informative. Scene on Radio's 2017 series on Seeing Whiteness brings in experts historians like Ibrahm X. Kendi to explore what it means to be white - the history I'm learning is mind blowing. I also really appreciated Kate Bowler's conversation with Netflix's Wedding Coach on Divorce - while divorce isn't something I personally am going through, it was helpful to hear actionable ways we can support our loved ones who are going through it, and the conversation around permission to grieve a life we thought we'd have.

📚 Reading: Continuing to read Black authors, just finished Red at the Bone by Jacqueline Woodson which tells the story of generations of a Brooklyn family. I learned from Austin Channing Brown's I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness- mandatory reading especially for white Christians. 

📣Important: Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week, and as someone who has been dealing with complications over the last two years this article about what to say and what not to say is something I wish everyone would read. 

👙Swim suit szn: A few weeks ago on IG we talked about the struggle of finding a sensible, age-appropriate bathing suit cover-up. A few of you recommended this $10 Target dress (plus size here), and I ordered this $20 ribbed bodycon cover up (in XL based on reviews and because I'm a little old for an actual bodycon). Also with multiple recs: Summersalt (eyeing these pants) and Swimsuits for All 

$20 ribbed bodycon cover up 

$10 Target dress

👖Wearing: All y'all are out here arguing over if we're going to ditch skinny jeans with Gen Z while I'm focused on never ever returning to hard pants (jeans after a year in sweat pants?! are yall serious?). I ordered these Athleta joggers in Abalone Grey on sale and they are breathable, comfortable, come in petite (so are the actual length they're supposed to be on us 5'4 and belows!) and I can dress them up enough to pass. 

🍷Drinking: It's white wine season! Lol who am I kidding there are no rules rn so I've been white whining year round - McBride Sisters' Sauvignon Blanc is my favorite and is super affordable, and their brut is both Harrison and my favorite champagne right now. Shipping is really fast too which is great. Real into their mission to transform the industry as a Black woman owned wine maker.


stuff I like rn

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

 

via What's Her Story 

Compliance Will Not Save Me (The Atlantic): Ibram X. Kendi draws striking parallels to our past and points to the questions we should be asking. 

It's Time for Women to Break Up With Politeness (Elle): How do we get over our engrained obligation to be polite? 

There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing (NYT): Wow - being able to name "languishing" is powerful, I'm going to try some of the solutions suggested here.

Inside the Antiracism Tug-of-War at an Elite NYC Public School (Vanity Fair): This follows a familiar pattern...

Women in the Workforce Need Men to Do More at Home (HBR): Yep. 

The Egg Freezing Boom in Pandemic (NBC News): NYC alone has seen egg retrievals increase 3x in the last year! 

India's COVID Surge (Vox): The perfect storm that has led to a horrific situation.

The Best Friends Can Do Nothing For You (The Atlantic): How to create and nurture friendships that will bring us happiness.


 

2021.04.25 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, April 25, 2021

This week has been extremely heavy- sending love to you all. Below are some petitions to sign, places to donate, and resources a few of you have sent me for helping kids process the events of the week. Sending extra extra love to the teachers who are having tough conversations and supporting kids this week <3.

Action Items

Sign the petition and donate to Yes4 Minneapolis - a people's petition to abolish the Minneapolis police.

Sign the change.org petition

Donate to Twin Cities Mutual Aid

Donate to Minnesota Freedom Fund to put $ towards bail funds

Donate to Families Supporting Families Against Police Violence

Donate to Communities United Against Police Brutality


Processing Daunte Wright's Murder and the Derek Chauvin Trial with Kids

Daily News Lesson: Police Killing of Daunte Wright Sparks Protest: PBS video and discussion guide for grades 6 -12.

Processing Police Brutality: Its Impact on Mental Health: a guide for leading classroom and small group discussions

Resources to Support Children During the Derek Chauvin Trial from AMAZEworks: Discussion resources for kids ages 3 - 18.

Tips for Parents During the Derek Chauvin Trial


Processing the week: action items & resources for conversations with kids on the Chauvin trial and Daunte Wright

Thursday, April 15, 2021

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Creating a trans-inclusive workplace (HBR): A lot of employers have made changes for their LGB employees, but miss the mark on T+. Practical ways leaders and co-workers can support trans employees.

All of our virtual assistant's use women's voices and it's a problem (Intelligencer): How the voice of our Alexas and Siris and Google Homes influence our behavior.

Immigrant families are leaving DC's schools (WaPo): Why are they leaving and will they return? 

We wont' remember the pandemic the way we think we will (The Atlantic): The way our memories work is fascinating. Harrison and I are working on an audio recording of our "pandemic memories" after reading this article.

How COVID-19 hollowed out a generation of Black men (ProPublica): A surprising look into why we lost disproportionately more Black men to COVID than any other subgroup.

How an abstinence pledge in the 90s shamed a generation of Evangelicals (NYT): A good read for my fellow raised-in-the-Evangelical-Church True Love Waits pledge-takers. I also really related to Be There in Five's "True Love Weights" podcast episodes (part 1, part 2).

How to support a co-worker experiencing bias and prejudice (Fast Company): 

2021.04.11 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, April 11, 2021

 

via @munroebergdorf

How to think about Hollywood's "problematic" movies (New Yorker): How race shows up in movies through time, and how do we address it? 

Private schools have become obscene (The Atlantic): As someone who has only attended public schools and worked in the public school system married to someone who has only attended private schools, this was interesting.

Your home's value is based on racism (New York Times): How white preferences impact Black wealth. 

Such a pretty face (Vox): Fat-phobia and dating. This article has some fascinating data to back up our actual preferences vs. what our culture says is acceptable.

Talking about the Atlanta spa shootings (Lily): Important things to keep in mind as we have tough discussions about violence against AAPI communities. Supplemental reading.

US saw estimated 4,000 extra murders in 2020 amid surge in daily gun violence (The Guardian): The killings that didn't make the news surged in 2020, and banning assault weapons isn't going to help the most vulnerable. 

The surprising power of simple check-ins (HBR): Burnout is at an all-time high and the most important factor in preventing it is creating a sense of belonging in the workplace. What does and doesn't help. (PS: HBR is doing an e-newsletter series on burnout that you can subscribe to here.)

2021.03.28 Sunday Reading List

Sunday, March 28, 2021

 

via

The weather was amazing this weekend and I lost track of time so we're Sunday reading late on a Monday night.


Our Asian Spring (The Atlantic): ready to put up a fight.

Moms are being shamed for onlyfans content (Lily): Many parents are turning to OnlyFans to provide for their families during the pandemic, and in some cases their kids are suffering.

Is the era of the GirlBoss over? (Elle): Female Founders' downfalls have been subjected to far more scrutiny than their male counterparts. What's up with this (besides the MF patriarchy).

Why it's so hard to speak up at work (NYT): Speaking up at work is riskier for women, especially women of color. Psychological safety is the answer.

Elliot Page could be the story of trans joy (Refinery29): The lens through which we learn about the trans experience is a cis one, and it has an impact on the stories that are told.

When solidarity becomes transformational (Building Movement): Thoughts and prayers are the worst, how do we engage in transformational solidarity?

Don't be surprised when vaccinated people get infected (The Atlantic): Helpful breakdown of how the vaccine works and why we will still see positive test results. 

The virus, the vaccine, and the dark side of wellness (Harpers Bazaar): Wellness influencers and anti-vaxxing and QANON 🥴





2020.03.21 Sunday Reading List

Monday, March 22, 2021

We're trying out a new thing around here that I'm calling "Fire Pit Chats". This attempt is to replicate the conversations my friends and I have around my backyard fire pit. Because of my professional background I have had the opportunity to hear different perspectives and learn how to sit in my discomfort and untangle complex social topics. One of the most valuable things to come out of this experience has been the continued conversations about how race impacts every part of our culture and non-white people's daily lived experience. I hope by sharing some of our conversations we can all learn to recognize the effects of race and how we can work to dismantle white supremacy. 

This conversation is especially timely with the events that unfolded this week. Ray has a unique perspective as a Marine Corps veteran, a father, a man who is half Black and half white, and as someone who has lived all over and worked in many industries. He talks through how he got started in his antiracism work, handling the discomfort that came with learning about himself, toxic masculinity, intersectionality (and what it is), where to start with "the work", and how to handle mistakes and apologies.

Check out Ray's YouTube channel that is a full library of resources to get your work started.

You can also find and share these conversations on my IGTV. 



[Fire Pit Chats] "The Work"

Saturday, March 20, 2021


Last week Robin DiAngelo, author of the New York Times best selling White Fragility,  announced the release of a new anti-racism book. I have to admit that while I recognize the importance of listening to Black voices on race topics, my initial thought was "are DiAngelo's books that bad they are encouraging white people to learn?" Enter Austin Channing Brown. We regularly discuss Channing Brown's work in my church circles and she provides an important perspective on religion and social justice, and last week she posted an interview with fellow antiracist educator Rachel Ricketts discussing WHY purchasing DiAngelo's (or any white anitracist educator for that matter) is problematic. I learned so much listening to this - if you are a white ally please make time to listen to the discussion ASAP.  

One of the biggest points they make is that DiAngelo and other white antiracist educators profit off of information they learned from Black educators, and that everything discussed in DiAngelo's books have already been taught by Black authors. Following this education, I polled the IG community for antiracist books from Black authors. Here is the crowdsourced list of books - I'll keep it as a living list so please feel free to message me with more suggestions.


Resources (videos, articles, courses):

Rachel Ricketts' Racial Justice Resources (articles broken down by topic and level)

Emmanuel Acho: Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man (video series)


Books

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

An illuminating look at how white, middle-class, Evangelicalism has participated in an era of rising racial hostility, inviting the reader to confront apathy, recognize God's ongoing work in the world, and discover how blackness--if we let it--can save us all. 

Do Better: Spiritual Activism for Fighting and Healing from White Supremacy by Rachel Ricketts

A revolutionary offering that addresses anti-racism from a comprehensive, intersectional, and spiritually-aligned perspective. This actionable guidebook illustrates how to engage in the heart-centered and mindfulness-based practices 

Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad (good for entry level)

Structured as a 28-day guide targeted at white readers, the book aims to aid readers in identifying the impact of white privilege and white supremacy over their lives.

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

This book explores the complex reality of today's racial landscape--from white privilege and police brutality to systemic discrimination and the Black Lives Matter movement--offering straightforward clarity that readers need to contribute to the dismantling of the racial divide 

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Kendi weaves an electrifying combination of ethics, history, law, and science with his own personal story of awakening to antiracism. This is an essential work for anyone who wants to go beyond the awareness of racism to the next step: contributing to the formation of a just and equitable society.

Examining everything from eradicated black history to the political purpose of white dominance, from whitewashed feminism to the inextricable link between class and race, Eddo-Lodge offers a timely and essential new framework for how to see, acknowledge, and counter racism.

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum

Beverly Daniel Tatum, a renowned authority on the psychology of racism, argues that straight talk about our racial identities is essential if we are serious about enabling communication across racial and ethnic divides.

Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper

So what if it’s true that Black women are mad as hell? They have the right to be. In the Black feminist tradition of Audre Lorde, Brittney Cooper reminds us that anger is a powerful source of energy that can give us the strength to keep on fighting.

Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall

In her searing collection of essays, Mikki Kendall takes aim at the legitimacy of the modern feminist movement, arguing that it has chronically failed to address the needs of all but a few women. Drawing on her own experiences with hunger, violence, and hypersexualization, along with incisive commentary on politics, pop culture, the stigma of mental health, and more, Hood Feminism delivers an irrefutable indictment of a movement in flux.

Nobody: Casualties of America's War on the Vulnerable, from Ferguson to Flint and Beyond by Mark Lamont Hill

Hill digs underneath events to uncover patterns and policies of authority that allow some citizens become disempowered, disenfranchised, poor, uneducated, exploited, vulnerable, and disposable. To help us understand the plight of vulnerable communities, he examines the effects of unfettered capitalism, mass incarceration, and political power while urging us to consider a new world in which everyone has a chance to become somebody.

White Rage by Carol Anderson 

Anderson pulls back the veil that has long covered actions made in the name of protecting democracy, fiscal responsibility, or protection against fraud, rendering visible the long lineage of white rage.

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi

The National Book Award winning history of how racist ideas were created, spread, and deeply rooted in American society.

Caste by Isabel Wilkerson

This book points to our entire social structure as an unrecognized caste system. 

Black antiracist educators to support instead of Robin DiAngelo's new book

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

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